Death, Dying, Buddhism and my Grandfather

This post originally appeared on Business Zen 2.0, November 22nd, 2006

 

I realize that my posts have been off topic lately and not in the area of mindfulness in business but isn’t this the best part of mindfulness, being in the moment, and although my duties at work are up to snuff and on track, it’s OK to be present on something else. Besides, it’s my reality not yours.

This post may seem sad and somber but it’s really not, it’s beautiful and happy, depending on how you see the world. Read through it and decide for yourself, maybe you will get it and maybe not. Again, it’s your filter for which you see reality.

My Grandfather, Harry K. Wellman died last Saturday night around midnight and it affected me greatly. Here is the obit I wrote for the newspapers:

Harry K. Wellman
Battle Ground, Washington — Harry K. Wellman, died November 18th, 2006 after a battle with Leukemia.

Born December 20th, 1926 in Camas, Washington he grew up and lived most of his life in the Vancouver area with his three brothers. Graduating from Washougal High School Harry entered the Army and served in Japan during and after WWII. In 1948 Harry met Doris Vockler and fell in love, resulting in a marriage of 58 and a half years. Harry used the G.I. Bill to attend Lewis & Clark College in Portland to study Business Administration after which he accepted a job at Bemis Company, Inc. where he retired from a career as a Logistics Manager.

Harry Wellman is best known for being a strong handsome gentleman who had many friends and enjoyed what the NW had to offer. Being an avid fisherman and hunter, Harry had a feel for how to catch fish. As well, Golf became a game of passion for Harry that he shared with his family; from Orchard Hills Golf Club to watching the Masters on television.

Harry Wellman was a kind and gentle person who deeply loved his family. This man lived the perfect life because he enjoyed every minute of it his way.

Surviving are his wife, Doris, of Battle Ground, one brother Syd of Vancouver, son Larry Vockler and wife Trisha of Vancouver; and one grandchild Kristian Vockler of Vancouver.

No memorial service will be held, by request of Harry but a gathering of friends and family are welcome to join the Vockler Family at 1-3 PM Saturday; at 4606 NE 125th Circle, Vancouver, WA 98686, for information please email krisvockler@icdcoatings.com or call 360-609-1001

Any Memorials you would like to send please do so in a donation to Kaiser Permanente Hospice of Portland, 2701 NW Vaughn Street, STE 140, Portland Oregon 97210

That’s Grandpa’s photo above, he is around 18 in this photo. He was a few weeks shy of 80 when he died and it’s not that he didn’t have a good photo of his later years, this photo sums up my Grandfather; fisherman, handsome, nice smile, kind.

My Grandfather taught me much in my life, like how to be a Gentle person, how to be kind, how to be thoughtful and how to be a good person. He wasn’t much on religion but he always felt a person ought to think for themselves on what worked for them. Needless to say we had some great conversations in this area as I was seeking what worked for me.

The whole process of dying in one word was beautiful, and I can’t just say that to anyone. It was painful, very painful, and I was tired and scared but after the weekend was over I was able to see how beautiful the process was. This was my first observance of death up close. I will have to say that this was due in part to my family, in part to the wonderful Hospice people, and in part to my understanding of death through Buddhism. Death is unavoidable, no matter how much money you have, pain is unavoidable when we lose that which we are attached to. Beyond the whole discussion of death to a Buddhist, I guess my point is my Grandfather is as close to a natural Buddhist as one could find without having learned it at all. The way he lived his life was in line with living mindful. I guess it made it that much easier to let go, I knew he had lived his life in mindfulness. Minus the killing of forest animals, that wasn’t very Buddhist but he ate them so it’s all good.

All kidding aside, he was one of the most mindful people I have ever met and his wisdom will be missed greatly.

For you Gramps…

 

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