It’s A Reflective Day…

It’s one of those days where you take a check of all the things you learned or ticked off your list. It’s been a crazy few months, as you can tell from the blog.

One of the biggest topics has been Desire and how one deals with it from a Buddhist perspective, this I call my greatest breakthrough to date but as we all know, it will go away and come back and stay and sit but will I deal with it differently? My guess is Desire will never go and now I can say I’m glad for that. For what I have learned is it’s in these tough times where the mind takes over that we are in the best spot for study and application of the Dharma.

In this first post on Desire, you can read into how much I was, still am, struggling with Desire. What I have learned as of late is that Desire is a crazy little bugger, it not only leads to suffering (i.e. having false expectations and such) but it brings out a ton of other emotions. All fertile ground for the mind to beat the crap out of us. Desire seeps into meditation, sleep, waking thinking and tries to rip apart mindful moments. See I was creating an aspect of suffering by thinking and trying to get rid of Desire, which is impossible. And not what Buddha taught.

With luck and practice I have been able, for at least the time being, to put Desire in a space right in front of me and I can say Hello to it if I want but I now know what it is and what it does. Allowing me to see how it works, which has given me permission to see what emotions it pulls out.

Now, this is very hard to do, to be able to sit and just observe the emotions or the Desire. It’s painful but what you are left with is a sense of calm and a lack of movement to cling to it, define yourself by it. It becomes just like anything else, that which will pass, only to come back. The world did not end.

I have to share something that really hit me and helped to ease the suffering of Desire. I posted that I needed help to my Sangha about Desire and this is what another community member sent to me, a quote from our Dharma teacher. heheh

“Oh Kris, I’m sure you are the only one dealing with Desire in this room”.

Kinda puts things in perspective and keep you from feeling isolated.

Hands down I have to say my study of Buddhism and the support of my Sangha have been a huge part of my life in trying to soften the ego.

Namaste everyone

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Ego, Human, Moment of Connection

We humans are an interesting lot, there is a raw and knowing inside that is guided, ruled, and directed by that all interesting ego. We repel feelings of connection as much as we repel that moment of nothing in our meditation. Fears of letting go, fears of feeling that nothing, all fueled by the ego and it’s desire to control and grasp. That which the ego hates most are the moments we should relish.

Reading Epstein’s Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart has given me some new insight, which is comforting. With desire or any other clinging aspect, this story struck a chord in me.

That would be the story of a woman who’s child had just died and she relentlessly held the child in her arms, crying to the villager’s to heal the dead child. She clung to him as she went from house to house until she encountered a person who said the Buddha was in town and to go to him for healing. She found the Buddha and asked him to heal her child. Buddha told the woman to find a handful of mustard seeds from a house that had not been touched by death and he would heal her child.

The woman clung to her child and went from house to house looking for mustard seeds from a house that death had not touched. After a long search in not being able to find such a house the woman laid her child to rest in the woods and went to the Buddha to tell him she could not find such a house. She learned the impermanence of life and that all beings experienced the same thing, clinging to say she was the only one became a non-issue.

Reminds me of what my Dharma teacher would say about desire, “Oh, I’m sure you are the only one troubled by this concept”. Or something like that. I will have to post the whole story, it’s great.

A monk named Ma-tsu sat diligently in meditation when his master came to him and asked; “Virtuous one, for what purpose are you sitting in meditation?”. Ma-tsu replied, “I wish to become a Buddha”. The Master picked up a rock and began rubbing it, the monk ask “what are you doing?”. “I am polishing this stone to make a mirror” said the Master but Ma-tsu asked, “How can you make a mirror by polishing a stone?” And the Master replied; “How can you make a Buddha by practicing meditation?”

Taking the obsessive mind and replacing it with a subtle version that must surrender, releasing into terror and fear as well as delight.

This is what I feel, this is a good thing.

One more concept struck me today as I’ve always pondered love and relationships. According to Epstein, “The major obstacle to love, I have found is a premature walling off of the personality that results in a falseness or in-authenticity that other people can feel. Love after all, requires a person to be open and vulnerable, able to tolerate and enjoy the crossing ego boundaries that occurs naturally under the spell of passion.”

Oh the ego is a crazy little bugger.

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Watching Over Your Self

You yourself should reprove yourself,
should examine yourself.
As a self-guarded monk
with guarded self,
mindful, you dwell at ease.

Your own self is
your own mainstay.
Your own self is
your own guide.
Therefore you should
watch over yourself–
as a trader, a fine steed.

-Dhammapada, 25, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.

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“I” and Meditation

I love my meditation time, even if “I” am having trouble being present. It’s a time to separate the two part, nothing and the ego. One is a shell or a door to the other. This came across an email list I’m on and it struck me. Those of you who meditate will understand, those who don’t I hope will see the value and start:

When we practice meditation our mind always follows our breathing. Inhale, the air comes into the inner world. Exhale, the air goes to the outer world. The inner world is limitless, and the outer world is also limitless. We say “inner world” or “outer world,” but actually there is just one whole world. In this limitless world, our throat is like a swinging door.

The air comes in and goes out like someone passing through a swinging door.

If you think, “I breathe,” the “I” is extra. There is no you to say “I.” What we call “I” is just a swinging door which moves when we inhale and when we exhale. It just moves; that is all.

When your mind is pure and calm enough to follow this movement, there is nothing: no “I,” no world, no mind nor body; just a swinging door.

–Shunryu Suzuki, Zen Mind, Beginners Mind

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Desire, Sticky as Krazy Glue

Desire is one of those concepts that are so sticky it attaches to everything we do, like a pile of Krazy Glue you just put your hand in. Everything you touch becomes a sticky mess of desire. Desire of another being, sexual desire, material desire, desire to speak to a friend now that they have passed, or simply the desire to be present in this moment; desire can be the greatest cause of suffering.

Just when you feel you are making great progress you get hit with a wave of feelings that don’t feel very present and bring you back to why you started to study Buddhism to begin with. This usually happens after a great and profound moment of presence, one slips into the glue of desire.

It’s one aspect I’ve not felt in a long while but here it is, sticking to everything. Lately all I can think of is desire and for sure it’s caused suffering. Energy spinning out of control, thoughts on the future as opposed to right now. It causes a physiological response; blood pressure, heart rate, breathing, and also affects how balanced ones chakras are.

What’s the answer? Practice. The mind is untrained and wants to bathe in desire, it’s what it does. Meditation practice helps even if it seems not to. During meditation my mind can jump from the tallest of trees with only a fraction of presence. Then during normal operation my mind causes the sticky stuck thoughts that cause my suffering. Do I feel better equipped than before meditation and Buddhism, yes.

One doesn’t have to meditate or to study Buddhism to know that desire is the most tricky of thoughts, as we get caught up in what we want but do not have. This does not mean to not dream to want but to look at it when it happens and see how it fills in the gaps and creates falseness, leading out minds to not see the truth.

It’s been a struggle for me, but this is good, it allows me to have something sticky to observe and see in the here and now.

From The Beginner’s Guide to Insight Meditation by Arinna Weisman and Jean Smith:

Sensual Desire

“In our meditation practice, through awareness we can separate desire from it’s object and examine desire itself. If we desire soft, easy, smooth breaths, we can turn our attention to desire and see how it takes us out of the present moment and into the future. We can feel the contraction and pulling of it, and we can see how it can bring restlessness or doubt and all kinds of thoughts associated with it. This examination can give us exceptional insight as to how desire operates in our life - how it adheres to its object, how it makes its object more attractive than it really is and blinds us to its unattractive aspects. We can examine how insatiable desire is.”

What does one do when they are gripped with desire?

Concentration, aiming the mind at the breath or another object of meditation such as lovingkindness, is one antidote to desire.

Even if we are not meditating, when we notice desire, we can try to let it go by switching our attention to something else, such as our posture or what we are hearing or seeing, or by just thinking of something else - remaining attentive to this alternative object or experience.

Bringing us back to the present moment.

This does not void us of the future or planning but it keeps us from wildly sticking to what we do not know of desire. To want something and then to goal and plan for it is good but to dwell and wonder and want and think and desire…..this will be suffering. Try it, I know it is.

It all comes back to anicha and the impermanence of things, things change, we all know it. Nothing stays the same, constant flux. Desire comes and it will go, replaced with other things. In a relationship desire is left with good and bad times, some luck and more difficulty, then some more easiness. It all changed and at the beginning you felt that this was the one, the mate you had waited for your whole life.

Watch desire, see what it looks like. Can you live with it?

Even now as I write this I have desire, desire that has been with me for days and doesn’t seem to want to let go.

Ain’t this fun? Yup

And sometimes desires are acknowledged but still don’t go away. Even if it was easier than you thought to purge it.

UPDATE: It never goes away, this was incorrect thinking on my part, the goal is to not have the ego beating me up over it. It simply is what it is.

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Will I Ever Go Back to Talking About Business?

Originally posted on Business Zen 2.0

Maybe, maybe not. What we do know is that everything is impermanent. Right now what we know is my ego is softening a bit so I’ll go with the flow and just write about it. We also know that this understanding is not only Buddhist in nature but the nature of life as well as the nature of Business. I’m sure you will see the connection.

Lately I have been able to relate to the image to the left, it’s a batik of the assault of Mara on Buddha as he meditated under the Bohdi tree. My own practice has been full of assaults, my ego assaults as well as life and suffering make assaults. Although, I am just starting to awaken to an understanding, there is a glimmer of an understanding there.

The beauty of my recent commitment to a Sangha is the community and the Dharma that is expressed weekly, in my case it’s Robert Beatty @ Portland Insight Meditation Center. The notion taught this past weekend was on Anicha, or that which arises will pass; otherwise known as the impermanence of things. It’s been on my mind, it’s been observed, it’s been shunned and it’s been embraced; all in the same moment. Then it opened the way to a small moment of presence.

Surely we can see why this is important but then I started to think about it in relation to what my ego gets hit with and how it can be stopped from adding one more layer by understanding that what causes the layer will pass.

In business, it’s become a huge concept to me. When stressed or when my ego wants to get in the way and lash out at someone, the concept of Anicha just pops up and things soften. This is where the business comes in and how another concept of Buddhism can be applied. In business we often make too slow a decision or too quick, we shoot from the hip or we just get it done. Much could be said for allowing all or part of a problem to just pass. Nine times out of ten it wasn’t a problem but a perceived problem.

Anicha….impermanence

Oh and this is what made me think of the invading demons of Mara:

COUNTY CASCADES.AND CASCADE FOOTHILLS…

A SNOW ADVISORY REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 6 PM PST THIS AFTERNOON.

SNOW SHOWERS WILL CONTINUE TODAY AS COLD ARCTIC AIR INVADES
SOUTHWESTERN WASHINGTON AND NORTHWESTERN OREGON. THE HEAVIEST
SNOWFALL IS EXPECTED THIS MORNING HOURS…WITH SHOWERS TAPERING
OFF THIS EVENING.

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What is Intention?

Several people have asked me for the difference between intention and a resolution. Here is what dicionary.com says:

in·ten·tion /?n?t?n??n/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[in-ten-shuhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun

1.	an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result.

res·o·lu·tion /?r?z??lu??n/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[rez-uh-loo-shuhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun
3.the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.

Intention is the mental aspect, where one came to realize how something might transpire or see the path for the end. A resolution is a decision and a often the vocal part of an intention.

To sum up, a resolution is a billboard telling the world what you decided while an intention is a path in your mind.

Which one do you think will win out?

Try it this year.

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